White Supremacy. What Can I Do?

Recently in headlines, I saw a news article about Iggy Azalea’s response to being called out by Macklemore’s new release “White Privilege Part 2.” Of course, like any curious consumer of entertainment, I wanted to find out more. After listening to the song and reading the accompanying lyrics so I was sure not to miss anything, I got to thinking, “What can I do to make sure my white privilege doesn’t get in the way?” I’m no politician or protester. I’m a mom and wife. I work a part-time job and I’m a college student. What will my voice accomplish?

Since last Monday was Martin Luther King Jr. Day, my son has been learning about King in his kindergarten class. My husband and I sat and talked with him one night about what he learned. He said King was fighting for equality for people who were black and that someone had shot him. Brad asked Cael, “Did you know that it used to be that if you were a different skin color from me, I couldn’t be friends with you?” Cael’s reply floored me and left me proud: “But that’s silly! [Child] is my best friend at school and he has different skin.” I know that isn’t the biggest thing in the world, but to me, knowing that Brad and I have gotten a crucial piece of kindness to him means the world to me.

I try to make sure that I treat everyone I come across with the same dignity and respect that I wish to be treated with myself. I know the stereotypes but really, if we believed all of them, we could never get to the true person underneath. It makes me sad that all people see is what they want to see. They see a young black man being shot by a white police officer in the street, but do they know the whole story? They see news stories of black-on-white crime, but what about the white-on-white crime? Does anyone really know the statistics?

What more can I, as my insignificant self, do?


The All-Terrifying

I have been grappling with religion for as long as I can remember. I was told by my own church’s teachings that I am unworthy, a sinner, and I cannot be saved. In order to truly be in full repentance, I must give up every part of me and follow what the church tells me. I’ve never found a church that has said, “We will accept you the way you are.” There have always been conditions and there will always be that one thing that says, “Your being is wrong.”

I want to be accepted by God and I want to be wanted. But grappling with the fact of not being good enough is hard. My whole life has been me feeling like all this is meaningless, and I don’t need an institution to confirm my fears.

I so long to be forgiven. For years and years, I feel like I have been shunned by God, not privy to the prayer line up to Him. I feel like He abandoned me, and gave me a load I can’t handle. Why does my brain have to work the way it does? Why was I given a weight that I can’t shake? How do I cope with this stupid thing?

Can I ever really be forgiven?

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3 AM

Yeah, I still have no idea how I’m still awake. I’m not sure if I’m too lazy to put my freshly cleaned sheets on the bed or if YouTube’s treasures are just being too enticing. Either way, I’m still up. And listening to Babymetal. I have no idea how I got here. Oh yes, that’s right, I’m supposed to be watching my husband stream Runescape. If you feel like watching too, the URL is http://www.twitch.tv/auron977

I think I’ll just get my tired ass to bed now… Before the Rick Rolls start showing up.

The Drama Created By Others

I can’t believe how manipulative some people can be to those who genuinely care for their family. I have been used by many people but it always affects me most when it is by the parent of a child in my care. It is despicable to find out that they are not the lovely caring parent you thought they were. It’s difficult to find out that the lies concerning the “happy marriage” and the fact that the children are starved for attention and showing signs of aggression all stem from one neglectful parent. Sure, the smiles and hugs come out when you pick your child up but what actually happens at home? Do the kids sit in front of the TV while you spend time with your new squeeze instead? Are you taking them to daycare when you actually have no job, do not attend school, and leave your home to ruin? 

It is people like this that make me wish I could adopt all the hurt, abandoned, hungry, and emotionally neglected children of the planet. No child should suffer at the hand of their own parent. Luckily, when the child is with me, I make sure he gets all the attention and love he deserves and steer his not-so-desirable behavior in a positive direction. All he needs is a few words of praise and a hug for a job well done. That’s not difficult at all. Why can’t the parent do that as well?

An Abandoned Blog Is A Sad One

Oh, my poor blog. I’m so sorry for the neglect.

School, work, and life in general are keeping me busy, as per usual. Well, who am I kidding? Netflix sucks up the majority of my free time. I just finished “Call The Midwife” and was absolutely sobbing over it. Shame on me.

I made it out of my first semester back at school with a stunning 3.58 GPA and the promise of summer classes looming ahead. Now I’m almost finished with Chemistry (God, I hate that class). Sciences have never been my strong point. Social sciences, on the other hand, are totally manageable. 

My train of life is somewhat derailed but we’re still chugging along as best we can. My husband quit his job back in January to pursue…gaming, as a profession. Needless to say (though I’ll say it anyway) this is NOT working out. Smarty Pants didn’t pay attention to the fact that I was making minimum wage on only 25 hours per week while attending school. I am now working two jobs (both daycare) while he sorts out finding a new job. It couldn’t come soon enough. I’m at wit’s end, what with bills, Cael’s allergies coming to no end, and my own personal demons. I need peace of mind in at least one area of life…

I am still wishing and still waiting for my moment to shine. It doesn’t seem far off now. I’m nearly there.

Big Decisions And Bigger Dreams

I have finally decided that after two years of idleness, I am going to continue my education! This week has been a rough one with my husband training for his job 4 hours away and my esteem plummeting through the earth’s crust. But I think that having my degree can get me that oomph I need to succeed in my chosen career field.

What is my chosen career field? Child and family development, of course! I love kids. I want to have an in-home daycare with kids from birth to two years old in there. Not a huge operation, but enough to support my family and fulfill my dream of caring and nurturing children to prepare them for school on a larger scale, while keeping it affordable for parents. Infants and toddlers are very expensive to care for at the moment and most daycares charge over $150 for a child under the age of 24 months. I want to help parents out but still provide quality care for their child(ren). I’m ready to get started, though I know it will take a lot of time and money. And a house… But we’ll get there eventually 🙂


What Do You Say?

If you read this post, I want to know your opinion. Would you want to know if a complete stranger was being abused by their spouse? Would you care? What if it wasn’t even physical abuse, and no visible marks were made? Should that person just “grow a pair” or “suck it up and take it”?

What do you think, reader?